LGBTQ+

I’ve been watching
long shadows stretch across snowdrifts.
Letting my eyes rest
on sunlit peaks and contours,
feeling the warmth just by looking,
then skating my eyes
up those lines.

There is a feeling of
seeking, reaching, wondering…
…what next?

And yet,
it is in this moment,
this treasure of a moment
that I feel so grateful
to be in.
To truly see
and be a part of.

I do love winter.
At least,
in the beginning.
Ask me again in February,
or especially March,
and I might give you a different answer.

It is through the changes
in the seasons that I find joy.
And there are always, always
changes.

If I keep my focus
on this single moment,
this single day…
appreciate what this one day has to offer…
whether it be the strange, sudden
darkness that washes over me like a wave
in November,
or the shocking sunlight
on rare December mornings
that breaks through tree branches,
or the red bark of dogwood shrubs
growing even brighter late in winter.

Each moment is both long and short.

I like this time of year
when I get to focus in
on both
the darkness and the light.

Also, what better time to cozy up with a book?

If you’re in a cold climate like I am (where it’s only just reached a whopping 1°F) and you perhaps need a reminder of summer, here’s a taste of heat from the first page of my YA book, WHEN TO HOLD ON.

GIRL MEETS GIRL

The only sound
in the public library’s vestibule
comes from the pages I turn
as I sort through discarded magazines
until

a girl crashes into the quiet
like a cold splash in the August heat.
I try to step aside

meet turquoise
burnt sienna
the smell of cinnamon
green eyes that sink deep,
like soft rain soaking parched soil.

My heart skips. It’s a moment
or eons
before that girl moves around me,

swings the second door open,
walks through.
~ Kate McKinney, WHEN TO HOLD ON

So wrap up warm
and sink deep
as you follow
the curves
of whatever story
you choose.

There’s a lot to talk about in regards to gender identity, gender expression, sexual attraction, and romantic attraction. I’m so grateful to the many wonderful people that continue this multi-faceted conversation.

Here is a great site that uses a “Genderbread Person” graphic as “a teaching tool for breaking down the big concept of gender into bite-sized, digestible pieces.”

Spectrums are used as a metaphor to explain further, because people are not always this or that. Sometimes they’re somewhere in between. People can be anywhere on a spectrum and even change over time. And even this is just the tip of the iceberg as far as this discussion goes.

As for me, I’m somewhere in between. As a kid growing up during the 1980s and 1990s, I didn’t have the language to talk about what I was feeling. No one around me seemed to be having the same feelings as me, and they certainly didn’t seem interested in talking about them. It left me feeling confused, lonely, and invisible. I would’ve really appreciated having a resource like Queer Kid Stuff.

Queer Kid Stuff, founded by Lindsay “Lindz” Amer in 2015, is an edutainment company that brings LGBTQ+ and social justice media to kids and families. They make videos, podcasts, newsletters, and so much more!

One of their core values is to be “Joy-Full.” This is what they write:

“Enfolding our work in a blanket of joy. Celebrating and encouraging the beautiful uniqueness of LGBTQ+ people while recognizing that queer joy is born of queer suffering. Choosing joy in the face of hardship as a radical act against hate and systemic oppression. Shifting the notion that it is hard to be queer toward the universal truth of the collective joy of the LGBTQ+ community.”

Yes, let’s make that shift.

Another helpful resource on Queer Kid Stuff is their new Rainbow Parenting podcast. Their first episode talks about many things; one part discusses the importance of Inner Child Healing.

It reminded me of one of the reasons I wrote When to Hold On. When I was growing up, I remember finding only one book on the library bookshelf that involved two girls falling in love. Never mind the other categories within the LGBTQ+ umbrella. There was a huge lack of representation. Fortunately, in the last 20+ years, the number of books with LGBTQ+ characters and books written by LGBTQ+ authors has grown, but we need more. If you’re looking for your next young adult book to read, check out the YA list on LGBTQ Reads, a site dedicated to promoting curated LGBTQIAP+ literature for all ages, run by author and blogger Dahlia Adler.

Kate McKinney

writer

Long Shadows, Winter Light

Being In Between